Fusion Modulation R.P.
Hello and welcome to F.M.H.Q. RP! Please feel free to look around the forum and hop on in to our expanding role-playing world!

-Moderation Team

Annie Strauss

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Annie Strauss

Post  ZFistAce on Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:45 pm

Name: Annie Strauss

Age: 17

Ethnicity: half Asian, half African american

Allegiance: Good Guys... for now

Origins: Human

Powers: Enhanced Human

Appearance: Annie wears a tan long sleeved shirt, with a gray tank top under it, but the straps are see-able. She wears gray pants, and brown boots all the time. In the winter time she will wear a blue bubble jacket, and a red scarf, with white stripes. Her hair is most of the time in a ponytail, and occasionally wears earrings.
Appearance:


Strengths: Due to the academy's training, she can use any sort of weapon, like swords, guns, and even fists to fight. She has a fast reaction time, so she is able to dodge many attacks from opponents. She is great at leading people and gaining followers.

Weaknesses: Because she is a super soldier, she has to take pills one time every day, or she'll be in danger of dying. She isn't very a team-player and that's bad because she might have to work with a team during academy missions or real life situations. She gets emotionally triggered when something reminds her of her family.

Personality: Annie is a very cold-hearted woman. She doesn't easily trust people, and is often rude and off-putting to strangers, and her surrounding peers. She hardly laughs at jokes, and doesn't like being social with others. She's afraid to get attached to people, because she's afraid if they're gone, its going to be harder to cope with your feelings. Once you get to know her, and spend some time with her, she will be more open with you, and she'll even trust you her self. She will start to appreciate your company, and will smile around you. She is very reliable in any tasks thats she's assigned and always gets the job done, this makes her respected in the academy. Also, she is considerate to other people when making a decision, she'll always try to find the best outcome.

History: Annie had an older brother whose name was Lee. Lee was two years older than Annie, and was a caring and loving brother, but he didn't have the best body a human can have. He had a weak heart and was in danger of dying. He did in fact die when Annie was 11 years old. Her brothers death would devastate Annie for the rest of her life, and also lead to her parents splitting up, and causing her dad to become depressed and resort to alcoholism, and her mother would hang herself over the loss. Having been only a young girl and experiencing all this hardship, would shape her personality to what it is today.

Because of her dad being depressed, Annie was too much to look after so he sent her off to train in the academy. At the age of 11, Annie was being trained to fight in the fusion war, and her combat skills were so good that she was rank number 2 in the academy. She was a very talented cadet and loved what she did, had a good attitude , so she was qualified to participate in the human enhancement project. By undergoing in this program, she gained enhanced strength and speed.

After surviving the destruction of the academy, she is currently helping rebuild it, and is still fighting fusions. Her dad lives in an apartment in downtown. They both visit there lost loved ones graves' which are right next to each other. The loss still lingers around in her mind once in a while, and this is affecting Annie's mental outlook on life. More loss, and she will slowly fade into the dark side...

Do you use nanos: Idk why but no


Last edited by ZFistAce on Mon Jan 23, 2017 8:46 pm; edited 7 times in total
avatar
ZFistAce

Posts : 541
Join date : 2013-11-16
Location : Wherever the wind takes me

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  ZFistAce on Fri Jan 06, 2017 10:53 pm

My girl is ready for judging!
avatar
ZFistAce

Posts : 541
Join date : 2013-11-16
Location : Wherever the wind takes me

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  zerowing21 on Sat Jan 07, 2017 6:09 pm

You have two combat strengths, roll them into one. So another strength

Weakness 1 and 3 can also be rolled into one. How is her peers not liking her a weakness? What does that do to her? It's more of a personality trait as you have it.

You need more positive aspects to her personality.

It's enhanced strength and speed, not super human.
avatar
zerowing21

Posts : 7315
Join date : 2013-06-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  ZFistAce on Sat Jan 07, 2017 10:00 pm

Okay so, the pills she has to take are for her enhanced program, which is the downside of it. I gave the drug name for the hallucinogen, so those are 2 different things. Made a new strength, changed superhuman to enhanced, and added something to the personality.
avatar
ZFistAce

Posts : 541
Join date : 2013-11-16
Location : Wherever the wind takes me

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  Kaiser on Sun Jan 08, 2017 4:45 pm

Weaknesses One and Three can still be rolled into one.

Her positives can all be rolled into "she's willing to open up if she trusts someone". Expand on other parts of her personality; like how she feels about her goals  or her reasons for fighting for example. Also expand on her feelings on her dependency on the drug. Does she hate the fact she's dependent on it? Does she think it's okay since she becomes strong with it?

Expand more on the relationship between Annie and her brother. The way it is now, it just seemed like a footnote in her history. You explain how the death impacted her parents, but not how it affected her personally. You briefly say that these events shaped her personality today, but don't explain the shift. Go into how exactly she shifted from a normal girl to this heartless one.

Explain what the human enhancement program actually is. How did she feel about the actual program?

The loss doesn't hurt as much, but it still hurts, and this is affecting Annie's mental outlook on life. More loss, and she will slowly fade into the dark side...
It not hurting a lot would imply that she has moved on from them dying. The fact that it has a hold on her mental psyche implies that it does still hurt a lot and that it made her afraid of losing people. These two ideas contradict.

_________________
Let's make a miracle happen!
Let's struggle as hard as we can!
Let's give it all we've got!
Let's shine together until the very end!

- Takami Chika, Love Live! Sunshine!! season 2 episode 1: "Next Step"

Spoiler:

Team Sonia for Life!
avatar
Kaiser

Posts : 1578
Join date : 2013-09-07
Location : The Nowhere Islands

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  ZFistAce on Fri Jan 13, 2017 7:53 pm

So i decided to cut the drug weakness and replace it with a new one. Tweaked a little bit of her personality and history too, give her a a look again, and if she's good, please accept asap.
avatar
ZFistAce

Posts : 541
Join date : 2013-11-16
Location : Wherever the wind takes me

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  zerowing21 on Thu Jan 19, 2017 7:09 pm

The, She trusts little people needs to be reworded. Since to me, it sounds like she just trusts midgets and doesn't have little trust with people.
avatar
zerowing21

Posts : 7315
Join date : 2013-06-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  ZFistAce on Fri Jan 20, 2017 1:30 pm

Done
avatar
ZFistAce

Posts : 541
Join date : 2013-11-16
Location : Wherever the wind takes me

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  zerowing21 on Sat Jan 21, 2017 1:51 pm

Need more positive traits to me.
avatar
zerowing21

Posts : 7315
Join date : 2013-06-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  Professor Utonium on Sat Jan 21, 2017 5:40 pm

ZFistAce wrote:Powers: Enhanced Human

Do you use nanos: heck yeah

Heck no, actually. Only humans can use Nanos, but Annie is an enhanced human. This would fall under a metahuman umbrella and restrict her from using Nanos.

ZFistAce wrote:Strengths: Due to the academy's training, she can use any sort of weapon, like swords, guns, and even fists to fight. She has a fast reaction time, so she is able to dodge many attacks from opponents. She thrives under pressure.

You need to explain why she thrives under pressure and why exactly it is a strength.

ZFistAce wrote:Because of her dad being depressed, Annie was too much to look after so he sent her off to train in the academy. At the age of 13, Annie was being trained to fight in the fusion war, and her combat skills were so good that she was rank number 2 in the academy.

Please note that the current year in the RP is 2049, with the Fusion War beginning in 2043. If Annie is 17, this would place her at 11 years old when the war began, which would also be when her brother died. Does it make sense for her father wait two years to send her off?


_________________
Steam Sig:
avatar
Professor Utonium

Posts : 4246
Join date : 2013-09-07
Location : The City Of Townsville

https://www.fanfiction.net/~kotomiichinose

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  ZFistAce on Sat Jan 21, 2017 10:13 pm

I changed the age issues, added a new strength, added positive traits, and got rid of her nano use. Please accept.
avatar
ZFistAce

Posts : 541
Join date : 2013-11-16
Location : Wherever the wind takes me

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  Professor Utonium on Sun Jan 22, 2017 4:55 pm

ZFistAce wrote:Do you use nanos: Idk why but no

Professor Utonium wrote:
ZFistAce wrote:Powers: Enhanced Human

Do you use nanos: heck yeah

Heck no, actually. Only humans can use Nanos, but Annie is an enhanced human. This would fall under a metahuman umbrella and restrict her from using Nanos.

It's not wise to get smart with us when I clearly explained why.

_________________
Steam Sig:
avatar
Professor Utonium

Posts : 4246
Join date : 2013-09-07
Location : The City Of Townsville

https://www.fanfiction.net/~kotomiichinose

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  ZFistAce on Sun Jan 22, 2017 5:01 pm

I wrote that she doesn't use nanos didn't I? If there's no problem accept it already.
avatar
ZFistAce

Posts : 541
Join date : 2013-11-16
Location : Wherever the wind takes me

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  Professor Utonium on Sun Jan 22, 2017 7:12 pm

Telling me to accept it isn't going to accomplish that goal. If you don't know why, then you should have asked why.

I'd also suggest being a tad nicer, and not so demanding with the accept requests.

_________________
Steam Sig:
avatar
Professor Utonium

Posts : 4246
Join date : 2013-09-07
Location : The City Of Townsville

https://www.fanfiction.net/~kotomiichinose

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  zerowing21 on Mon Jan 23, 2017 10:57 am

She doesn't like to be social with others, yet she's a good leader. Nova, do you see the conflicting premise here?
avatar
zerowing21

Posts : 7315
Join date : 2013-06-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  ZFistAce on Mon Jan 23, 2017 12:59 pm

Oliver Queen doesn't like being social, yet he's a good leader, being social doesn't necessarily mean that someone is a leader.
avatar
ZFistAce

Posts : 541
Join date : 2013-11-16
Location : Wherever the wind takes me

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  zerowing21 on Mon Jan 23, 2017 1:40 pm

Let me remind you that due to his negative traits, Oliver has a habit of losing his team and having people not trust him. He's not really that great of a leader. Being a leader means you have to communicate, thus being social. He keeps too many secrets, very inflexible etc.

Batman might be the same way, but he at least communicates with people in someway. But in the end even Batman loses his team due to the fact he won't trust them and tell them everything. How many people have walked away from him in the comics?

Now let's look at good leadership. RWBY is a good example, ruby talks with her team and communicates, as does Jaune with his team. they have good team work and yes they have negative traits, but the traits don't make people turn their backs on them.
avatar
zerowing21

Posts : 7315
Join date : 2013-06-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  Mr.Didathing on Mon Jan 23, 2017 1:49 pm

To be fair, if the idea is that they're not social with anyone they aren't working with, it's fine I guess. But communication within the group is vital to any leadership role, and is the main reason Oliver kinda sucks as one.
avatar
Mr.Didathing

Posts : 1592
Join date : 2013-09-08

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  ZFistAce on Mon Jan 23, 2017 8:47 pm

Edited. Hopefully its good now.
avatar
ZFistAce

Posts : 541
Join date : 2013-11-16
Location : Wherever the wind takes me

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  Mr.Didathing on Mon Jan 23, 2017 10:25 pm

I'll give. Accepted from me.
avatar
Mr.Didathing

Posts : 1592
Join date : 2013-09-08

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  zerowing21 on Tue Jan 24, 2017 11:45 am

I'll give a tentative approval.
avatar
zerowing21

Posts : 7315
Join date : 2013-06-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Annie Strauss

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum