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Ivan! (my first character) [hiatus]

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Ivan! (my first character) [hiatus]

Post  trigger_hurt on Thu May 01, 2014 11:12 pm

Name: Ivan

Age: 52

Ethnicity: Russian

Race (If your OC is an alien): N/A

Allegiance: Neutral

Origins: Human

Powers: N/A

Appearance:

Ivan is a massive man who stands at a towering 8 feet and 6 inches. His thick menacing eyebrows rest above his cold blue eyes. A natural handlebar moustache resides above the scowling lips that rest under his large flat nose. His beautiful bald head is complimented with a jaw that could chisel adamantium. He wears a dark trilby to cover up his balding head, and to match his equally dark suit, custom made to fit his body shape.

Strengths:

- Ivan is extremely experienced with many types of firearms. Give him a gun and he lists the pros and cons, demonstrate loading and firing, and recite the history all from memory.

- Ivan has been trained in hand to hand combat, giving him an advantage in close quarters. Coupled with his extraordinary strength, you definitely don't want to meet him in a narrow alley.

- In addition to combat, he has also mastered the culinary arts, and actually wrote a best selling book on cooking. Ivan's secret recipes are sought after by many.

Weaknesses:

- Ivan can kill, cook, and write. Unfortunately, those are the only skills and hobbies he's good at. Ivan is a terrible artist, can't whistle to save his life, and cannot perform yoga.

- Due to his large size and old age, Ivan cannot move as fast as he once could. His diet doesn't help at all. Perhaps he's been out of the game for too long?

- Half of the time, Ivan speaks in metaphors. While normally this could be shrugged off, he speaks in foreign metaphors, which don't translate well into english.

Personality:

To his friends, Ivan is a gentle giant. To his enemies however, he is seen as a silent, efficient assassin. An experienced veteran of the killing business, he's been around long enough that he has names for his fists, both feet, his large assortment of weapons, and his fish.

A great cook and a highly trained assassin, he's definitely someone you want on your team. Making friends with him is difficult, though, for he's a cold glacier of anti-social toughness that can only be broken with trust, and Ivan does not trust anyone. He hasn't even told anyone his last name.

History:

Ivan's early life was highly uneventful, but at the age of 23, he became interested in the arts of professional killing after taking the life of a spider intruding his home. He began training with the most experienced assassins of his time, and became one of the most feared assassins of Russia.

He later retired to America with a fat lump of money, and has been living there ever since. However, he has been considering going back into the business because of the invasion of the Earth led by Fuse.

Do you use nanos: N/A




hopefully this wasn't too bad for my first character. I'm open to suggestions and criticisms!
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Re: Ivan! (my first character) [hiatus]

Post  Kyra_Xyrespace on Thu May 01, 2014 11:45 pm

trigger_hurt wrote:Name: Ivan

Does he have a last name? It's fine if he doesn't, I was just wondering if he did, or if he just did away with it years ago.

Strengths:
- In addition to combat, he has also mastered the culinary arts, and actually wrote a best selling book on cooking. Ivan's secret recipes are sought after by many.

I'm not too sure on how being a Gordon Ramsey is a strength, unless he uses food to kill people; then I'd consider it a cooking skill. Then again, if he was with a group of people who were stranded somewhere, I can see this being a strength.

Weaknesses:
- Half of the time, Ivan speaks in metaphors. While normally this could be shrugged off, he speaks in foreign metaphors, which don't translate well into english.

Like with the last point on strengths, I'm not too sure if this is a good weakness. However, California is going through summer atm, so I'm a little sun-baked and can't think straight.

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Re: Ivan! (my first character) [hiatus]

Post  trigger_hurt on Fri May 02, 2014 1:17 am

Kyra_Xyrespace wrote:Does he have a last name? It's fine if he doesn't, I was just wondering if he did, or if he just did away with it years ago.

I actually couldn't decide on one, so I just left it blank

Kyra_Xyrespace wrote:Like with the last point on strengths, I'm not too sure if this is a good weakness. However, California is going through summer atm, so I'm a little sun-baked and can't think straight.

good point, I'll revise it!

thanks for the suggestions!
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Re: Ivan! (my first character) [hiatus]

Post  zerowing21 on Fri May 02, 2014 2:28 pm

I kind of agree the last weakness isn't really much of one. Maybe It could be something like his English is terrible so its harder to understand what he's saying. The cooking thing is a different strength, I like it thought, maybe he should set up a restaurant.
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Re: Ivan! (my first character) [hiatus]

Post  techee on Fri May 02, 2014 2:43 pm

I thought it was a well done character sheet. But there are a few things that I have. Before I do that, let's see your good and interesting points in there. I like how he's old. I don't think I've seen an OC that is that old. His ethnicity is also interesting. I, personally, have, or had, an OC that was Russian himself. The strengths, I felt were solid as well as his weaknesses. Having an ability to cook puts him in a good spot, in my book, already. I can see him as a wise old person who cooks for them in the process.

Onto the not so good points: One thing to mention is that he doesn't have a last name. Why don't you do a little bit of research and find a fitting last name? Another thing I have to say is that 8 feet is sort of pushing it, that's almost the size of a giant. Decreasing it down to around 6 feet and 6 inches should do the trick. You don't have to though, just a suggestion. Your first weakness that you put down could be split, technically. By picking a single weakness out of that bunch would be great. As for the third weakness, you should rewrite that. One way to rewrite is that he speaks using terms and phrases that people won't normally understand and would have to break it down for them. Or go the route of having his English be a little bad. Either or is fine with me.

Overall, I thought it was good. It just needs some tweaks, and nothing else.
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Re: Ivan! (my first character) [hiatus]

Post  trigger_hurt on Fri May 02, 2014 4:53 pm

I'll be sure to revise it, thanks for the help everyone!  Very Happy

Edited:

Name: Ivan Dragunov

Age: 52

Ethnicity: Russian

Race (If your OC is an alien): N/A

Allegiance: Neutral

Origins: Human

Powers: N/A

Appearance: Ivan is a massive man who stands at a towering 6 feet and 6 inches. His thick menacing eyebrows rest above his cold blue eyes. A natural handlebar moustache resides above the scowling lips that rest under his large flat nose. His beautiful bald head is complimented with a jaw that could chisel adamantium.

Strengths:

- Ivan is extremely experienced with many types of firearms. Give him a gun and he lists the pros and cons, demonstrate loading and firing, and recite the history all from memory.

- Ivan has been trained in hand to hand combat, giving him an advantage in close quarters. Coupled with his extraordinary strength, you definitely don't want to meet him in a narrow alley.

- In addition to combat, he has also mastered the culinary arts, and actually wrote a best selling book on cooking. Ivan's secret recipes are sought after by many.

Weaknesses:

- Ivan can kill, cook, and write. Unfortunately, those are the only skills and hobbies he's good at.

- Due to his large size and old age, Ivan cannot move as fast as he once could. His diet doesn't help at all. Perhaps he's been out of the game for too long?

- Ivan's english is not very good, making it hard for others to understand him.

Personality:

To his friends, Ivan is a gentle giant. To his enemies however, he is seen as a silent, efficient assassin. An experienced veteran of the killing business, he's been around long enough that he has names for his fists, both feet, his large coco of weapons, and his fish.

A great cook and a highly trained assassin, he's definitely someone you want on your team. Making friends with him is difficult, though, for he's a cold glacier of anti-social toughness that can only be broken with trust, and Ivan does not trust anyone.

History:

Ivan's early life was highly uneventful, but at the age of 23, he became interested in the arts of professional killing after taking the life of a spider intruding his home. He began training with the most experienced assassins of his time, and became one of the most feared assassins of Russia.

He later retired to America with a fat lump of money, and has been living there ever since. However, he has been considering going back into the business because of the invasion of the Earth led by Fuse.

Do you use nanos: N/A




I think I fixed all the problems Very Happy
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Re: Ivan! (my first character) [hiatus]

Post  techee on Fri May 02, 2014 6:08 pm

I like him very much. I accept.
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Re: Ivan! (my first character) [hiatus]

Post  Mr.Didathing on Fri May 02, 2014 6:25 pm

Accepted for me as well.
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Re: Ivan! (my first character) [hiatus]

Post  zerowing21 on Fri May 02, 2014 6:46 pm

Accepted, but you didn't have to repost it. Just edit the main post.
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Re: Ivan! (my first character) [hiatus]

Post  Kyra_Xyrespace on Sat May 03, 2014 7:09 pm

Accepted

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