Fusion Modulation R.P.
Hello and welcome to F.M.H.Q. RP! Please feel free to look around the forum and hop on in to our expanding role-playing world!

-Moderation Team

Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  iamZeus on Thu Apr 16, 2015 1:47 am

Name: Ares Trixillanni BeachBlaster III

Age: 14

Appearance: Lanky, 5'3 , black messy hair, green eyes. Wears goggles and a pair of "CN" headphones. He has a green ringer shirt with a white collar, and beige cargo pants. He wears blue high tops with black gum, with orange and blue laces.

Ethnicity: African American

Allegiance: Good

Origins: Human

Weapon: Engraved Bushido Practice Sword

Strengths: He is extremely adapt in technology, people underestimate short stature, can skillfully talk his way out of situations.

Weaknesses: Constantly in trouble with the law for hacking, has a bad temper, not good with heavy armor. He is deathly afraid of heights.

Personality: He is a nice person, who does not judge. He try's to keep a cool and laid back demeanor in face of his bad temperament, in addition to being energetic, and having mild anxiety. His bad temper occasionally leads to troubling situations, such as almost getting caught while aggressively hacking where his mom works when they wouldn't give her more time off. When provoked, he has been known to yell when he is very angry, leading some to believe he is immature. He leaves some with the impression that he is weird, but despite this he is like able. He is extremely afraid of heights, and depending on the moment, social interactions. He cares very deeply on others opinions of him. He often has the urge to blurt out facts if he likes the person he's talking to. He is not overly confident and has a short temper when talking to people who think he is lying and who have no respect for technology.

History: Ares was born a prodigy on November 18, and built him self a machine when he was 11 to take care of him when his mom wasn't around. Give him food, reassurance , loving words, stuff like that. The machine would later malfunction and push him to do better in building an A.I. This resulted in Sparkz, an A.I. project he his working on for his nanocom. His mom worked at dexlabs as one of the top scientist, while his dad was a pirate working on on the seas. He didn't see him much. He went to a High School somewhere in Bellwood, and had the occasional run in with the law. He would sometimes get into the Police Station computers and remove any marks on his friends records. His friends weren't bad people, often it was by mistake. They'd once all been caught at a crime scene, and we're arrested as suspects.
             Another time, (on a less criminal incident) he got into a teacher's computer and changed his Extra Terrestrial Language grade to a AA+. When he heard about Fuse, he was skeptical. Then he heard that Stormalong Harbor had been destroyed by Fuse and that happened to be where his father was delivering stolen goods.He signed up to be a hero to avenge his father, and his mother, who had been so affected by her husband's death that she'd taken over a year off, something she never did. After signing up, he changed his mind and decided to become a rouge hero, not part of any organization.

Do you use Nanos?: Yes.


Last edited by iamZeus on Mon Jan 30, 2017 12:08 am; edited 12 times in total

iamZeus

Posts : 8
Join date : 2015-04-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  zerowing21 on Thu Apr 16, 2015 6:58 am

You need to say what he wears in appearance. More details please.

Personalty should not be a list. And you need more negative traits to balance him out. We do not use the guides here this is not the game.

No one can build anything like a hug machine at 8 months old. We need more to his history, like why he joined the war etc etc.

Being 5'5 is not a small stature, that's decently tall. How is being a fast talker a strength? Not to confident sound more like a personality trait to me. Socially awkward would be a trait as well.
avatar
zerowing21

Posts : 7102
Join date : 2013-06-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  iamZeus on Thu Apr 16, 2015 11:29 am

Oh, sorry. I used the wrong word, I didnt meant to put "underwhelming" or something. And the other stuff I'll fix. And by fast talker I meant he can basicly talk his way out of problems.

iamZeus

Posts : 8
Join date : 2015-04-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  techee on Thu Apr 16, 2015 5:45 pm

Overview
At first glance, the character looks good and complete. Although, you have it written in a somewhat mashed way. I like the hacker feel you got on him and can easily work within our universe that we made.

Pros

To start off, I like the child prodigy idea. It is somewhat interesting. I like how you described him in the appearance section as I can easily picture him with the descriptors that you have used.

Cons

I like the child prodigy idea, but after reviewing it, it does remind me of Hiro from Big Hero 6. Everything from the care robot to this child prodigy in technology thing. I would like to see your take on this type of character if he gets in the RP. On my next point, you said that he's good aligned. However, you also said he gets in trouble with the law which would classically make him bad. This is confusing. Why does he get in trouble with the law? This isn't clear nor is it classified. Getting in trouble with the law also isn't that good of a weakness if you're using it as a character flaw.

Talking about character flaws, you put him down that he has a bad temper. However, you do not put down what causes him to get a bad temper. What sort of pet peeve does he have or that one thing thing that causes him to get a temper? This is not stated neither.

Onto the history, there are some cracks that I need to point out. For one, his run ins with the law. I would like to know why he gets in trouble. Is he trying to do good and is doing vigilante justice or was it something he did and is running away from the cops? You also mentioned in his history about Stormalong Harbor. Then you mentioned that your father was there when Fuse invaded. How did they know that his father was there in the first place when earlier you said that his father was else where as a pirate.

Conclusion

There was some noticeable flaws in the sheet and needs to be fixed a little bit more. I think that you fix him a little bit more, than he can be real good.
avatar
techee

Posts : 620
Join date : 2013-06-16

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  iamZeus on Fri Apr 17, 2015 2:51 am

Ok, I fixed it for the most part, the robot thing is just a fun fact.

iamZeus

Posts : 8
Join date : 2015-04-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  techee on Wed Apr 22, 2015 5:07 pm

I looked at your changes. After reading it again, I like it very much so. With these changes implemented, I am going to accept him.
avatar
techee

Posts : 620
Join date : 2013-06-16

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  iamZeus on Sun Jan 24, 2016 2:38 am

SO yeah. I don't have permission to post in them open world.

iamZeus

Posts : 8
Join date : 2015-04-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  Kyra_Xyrespace on Sun Jan 24, 2016 4:11 am

You need three approvals on the OC before they can be used in the Open World.

_________________

avatar
Kyra_Xyrespace

Posts : 692
Join date : 2013-06-16
Location : Sunny Cali

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1062727/AnimeGirl-144

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  iamZeus on Sun Jan 24, 2016 3:55 pm

Oh.

iamZeus

Posts : 8
Join date : 2015-04-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  zerowing21 on Sun Jan 24, 2016 5:04 pm

You say he's awkward twice, please try to stream line the personality.
avatar
zerowing21

Posts : 7102
Join date : 2013-06-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  iamZeus on Sat Jan 28, 2017 9:50 pm

I've gone back over it, and I'v fixed some of the issues you saw, while also fixing some othr parts.

iamZeus

Posts : 8
Join date : 2015-04-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  Mr.Didathing on Sat Jan 28, 2017 10:08 pm

I like it for the most part, but I'm not sure being cool and laid back gels with having a temper.
avatar
Mr.Didathing

Posts : 1575
Join date : 2013-09-08

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  iamZeus on Sun Jan 29, 2017 3:01 am

Ok I fixed it.

iamZeus

Posts : 8
Join date : 2015-04-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  zerowing21 on Sun Jan 29, 2017 11:41 am

So he has a bad temper, how does it affect him negatively?
avatar
zerowing21

Posts : 7102
Join date : 2013-06-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  iamZeus on Sun Jan 29, 2017 2:53 pm

Now it's more descriptive

iamZeus

Posts : 8
Join date : 2015-04-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  zerowing21 on Mon Jan 30, 2017 9:13 am

I wouldn't considering being 5'3 short in stature. I'm 5'3 or so and that's not short by a long shot.
avatar
zerowing21

Posts : 7102
Join date : 2013-06-15

Back to top Go down

Re: Ares "Trix" BeachBlaster

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum