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Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

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Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  inkibusss on Sun May 10, 2015 4:14 pm

Name: Krag En Geweld;Krag for short

Age:21

Gender: Male

Appearance: A black cloak with two swords by my hips.Under the cloak is a black T-shirt and jeans.Has a small beard.Black leather boots. 6 foot 3.Black eyes. Black hair

Ethnicity:Half-Caucasian Half-British

Allegiance: Good Guys

Origins: E.V.O

Powers: Telekinesis,enhanced sword fighting skills
Attacks:

low:Pushing away enemies

medium:Lifting up enemies and sending them flying

high:Spinning the swords into a saw like sword machine and cutting up his enemies,Levitating the swords he has and sending them flying to his enemies stabbing them.

Strengths: Incredible calculation of trajectory,able to study opponents moves in seconds and mimic or counter them,amazing at concocting a strategy

Weaknesses: Doesn't have many friends,can overestimate or underestimate opponents abilities,he isn't very agile.

Personality: He is very closed off,he rarely speaks to anyone other than Dexter.He can get too distracted by focusing on the enemy.He is very kind and protective of you if he trusts you.he can be very illogical.He has no sense of moral rights or wrongs.He would do anything to stop Fuse.He is very stand off-ish.

History:He had trouble with his brother.He has rouble with his brother because multiple times his brother beat him up until he had bruises everywhere. The only person that protected him was his parents.He ran away from home twice because he tought his brother was going to kill him.When he was a teen he turned into an EVO. Once he got the hang of his powers he killed his brother.2 years before the war Krag had joined the army.He was a top s1oldier.One holiday a soldier who hates EVOs and Krag decided to kill Krag's parents who are also EVOs.The day after the murder Krag found out that his parents died.He blames providence because he never fully trusted them. That moment shattered him his grief and anger told him not to trust anyone ever again.He created a theory that Agent 6 made the call.He swore that from that day on he would get his revenge.A year has passed its the beginning of the war. He found Dexter to help him fight off Fuse's army. He has a very treasured friend in Dexter but he has a feeling that one day Dexter will turn him into Providence.

Nanos:
He does not use any nanos


Last edited by inkibusss on Wed May 20, 2015 1:25 pm; edited 7 times in total
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inkibusss

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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  zerowing21 on Sun May 10, 2015 4:37 pm

1) personality is too short, it needs more. Add in more positive and negative traits.

2) The history should be in third person and in first.

3) The powers should have low medium and high denoting how powerful it is. Also do away with choking, its too much like a force power to me.

4) Just say he doesn't have many friends in the weakness, you don't need to list the people he is. You also need now need 2 weaknesses.
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  techee on Sun May 10, 2015 4:51 pm

To start off, I like your character's powers and abilities. However, it seems incomplete and filled with a lot of holes. The personal bio portion needs more, at least a gender. You don't need to state that he's not part of Providence, that can be stated clearly well in the history. You got one good strength (trajectory), the other two strengths aren't that good. Not afraid to kill someone just needs to be reworded and the other one feels more like it should be part of the personality section. You need more weakness and your other weakness is not necessary as you said it already in your personality. Your personality you got is a little plain to me. You need to add a little more to your personality. Your history needs major tweaking. The first problem here is that your character cannot possibly know Ben, Dexter, and Numbuh 1 at the same time unless there's a common connection between them. You also need more back story in the history, spicing it up some. You also need to state if your character uses nanos or not.
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  inkibusss on Sun May 10, 2015 6:05 pm

I have fixed some stuff.Hope you like it
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  zerowing21 on Sun May 10, 2015 6:37 pm

Precognitive powers aren't really allowed since its to me considered omniscient. If he can say, able to read enemy movements better, then yes, that would be allowed. Sword fighting is not considered a power so take it off the low list.
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  inkibusss on Sun May 10, 2015 6:38 pm

Okay will edit now
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  techee on Tue May 12, 2015 12:48 pm

A lot better. You made the necessary fixes and I can find nothing wrong this time around. I will accept him.
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  zerowing21 on Tue May 12, 2015 5:28 pm

Yeah...that's not exactly how providence operates. They don't kill people, nor do they threaten people who don't join. We do not follow season 3 of gen rex on here, nor do we follow the canon ending of season 2 for Gen Rex.
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  inkibusss on Tue May 19, 2015 9:57 am

Okay I understand will try to make few changes
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  inkibusss on Tue May 19, 2015 10:12 am

I changed it so that it fts woth this Providence
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  zerowing21 on Tue May 19, 2015 8:04 pm

Why would the army go after EVOs? Evos are providence's job not the army's.
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  inkibusss on Wed May 20, 2015 9:55 am

No its just that during one of the 1 ay breaks the soldier killed Krag's parents
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  zerowing21 on Wed May 20, 2015 12:11 pm

So a solider was allowed to go AWOL to go kill EVOS. Do you see how that doesn't make sense?
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  inkibusss on Wed May 20, 2015 12:15 pm

I put there holiday now cause soldiers do get holidays sometimes
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

Post  zerowing21 on Wed May 20, 2015 1:14 pm

Can I get more history about his early life?
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Re: Krag En Geweld: Krag for short

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