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My OC:Tarrant Atlasquark

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My OC:Tarrant Atlasquark

Post  ViktorrWolf64 on Tue Jul 28, 2015 3:05 pm

I give up!


Last edited by ViktorrWolf64 on Thu Jul 30, 2015 8:09 am; edited 7 times in total
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Re: My OC:Tarrant Atlasquark

Post  Professor Utonium on Tue Jul 28, 2015 3:12 pm

I think everything needs to be fleshed out a little bit more. Expand greatly on the personality and history.

Also, the powers seem a little OP to me. Summoning weapons and minions sounds like a demonic thing to do, even for a Human Magic User.

And, since your OC is a Magic User they cannot have Nanos.

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Re: Re: My OC:Tarrant Atlasquark

Post  ViktorrWolf64 on Tue Jul 28, 2015 3:29 pm

Changes have been made Professor. How is it?
P.S. I'm having trouble thinking of a good backstory, just so you know.
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Re: My OC:Tarrant Atlasquark

Post  zerowing21 on Tue Jul 28, 2015 3:49 pm

I find the powers to still be a bit much and the languages thing seems a bit much and op.

Is quite shy and tends to threaten people despite his desire to actually have real friends. How is this a weakness, explain further. He also needs 1 more weakness.

How does he have an influence over humans?

Yeah, the entire thing in his personality that no one not even fusions pay attention to him is op as well. I would like to see more to it, more positive and negative traits.

Why did he join in fighting the war?

Victor, I would suggest you read the required reading section.
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Re: My OC:Tarrant Atlasquark

Post  Professor Utonium on Tue Jul 28, 2015 3:52 pm

The war has only been going on for five years, so the Academy didn't exist when he was 7. He would have been 14 when Fuse attacked/the Academy was opened.

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Re: My OC:Tarrant Atlasquark

Post  ViktorrWolf64 on Tue Jul 28, 2015 4:04 pm

Finished editing it. This is harder than i thought...but i do appreciate the help
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Re: My OC:Tarrant Atlasquark

Post  Kaiser on Tue Jul 28, 2015 5:42 pm

Powers: Can easily learn to use any weapon he comes in contact with. Can generate weapons out of thin air.
Both of these are OP. Knowledge is power, but it takes a long time to build that power. Besides, knowing every possible thing about something is impossible, no way around that. The second part, that's way too many things that he can summon, and that's reality warping, which isn't allowed.

is a good liar.
If he's afraid of being abandoned, doesn't get along with people, shows no emotion to the few he does talk to, and is quiet: how did he develop this? This essentially leads to having no people skills, which is absolutely needed to be good at lying.

Personality:
Expand on it. The way it is right now, he's flat. What makes it so that people hire him over other established assassins/bounty hunters? The fact that he'll do anything for money? Because of how dedicated to the job he is?

The older students were jealous of his abilities and found a way to take him back to earth and leave him there.
This is a war, there's no time to be petty about things like "awesome power". Even if someone is better than you, you have to suck it up because you need as much capable help you can get. As for the whole Null Void thing, it's a separate dimension with a facility set up to train people. Older students just can't access the portal with no authorization and send someone back home. Where were the instructors when this happened?

The history overall, needs to be expanded on. There's also certain things that need to be addressed.

He was forced to live on the streets. He learned to fight to survive.
How long was he at the Academy exactly? If he was there for a sufficient amount of time, he should have already learned these skills. Also, he was forced to live on the streets and survive. What happened to his parents if that's the case? Did they get killed by the fusions and that's how he did something that made someone realize he had potential?

Also, this might just be me, but the way the history ends makes it seem like there's more, which there should be.

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