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Ana Price (new)

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Ana Price (new)

Post  draqqable on Fri Aug 14, 2015 3:06 pm

Name: Ana Price

Age: 16

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Race: Human

Allegiance: Neutral

Origins: Human

Powers: N/A

Appearance:

Strengths: Agility, Stealth, Acting

Weaknesses: Mentally Unstable, Fragility, Trust

Personality: Has mental issues, a fragile heart that could shatter immediately, Shy, Bratty

History: Ana was raised by rich parents who bought her anything she wanted. She grew up as a brat who eventually was mentally unstable. Ana wanted to become an actress and took hundreds of classes, and was a star. She had to take prescription pills or else she'd go completely psycho and hurt people. When Planet Fuse took over, she was separated from her parents and her pills. Everyone forgot about her, and she trusts anyone she sees. Ana is skilled with agility after winning state championships, and getting around quietly without anyone hearing. Her petite frame makes her very fragile, almost like a doll. Ana's pretty clothes have teared and so has she.

Do you use nanos: Yes
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draqqable

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Re: Ana Price (new)

Post  zerowing21 on Fri Aug 14, 2015 3:58 pm

For her personality, you need to expand upon it. Please add more positive and negative traits and try to not make it a list.

With the strengths and weaknesses, explain them and trust or lack there of is a personality trait. If you can explain how the lack of trust is a weakness please do so.

Her history, needs clarification and is a bit confusing too.
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zerowing21

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Re: Ana Price (new)

Post  Kaiser on Fri Aug 14, 2015 5:12 pm

Personality: Has mental issues, a fragile heart that could shatter immediately, Shy, Bratty
Expand on these. Right now, I'm seeing four traits that conflict with each other more to the point where it's four different characters rather than one, and she doesn't have multiple personality disorder as far as I can tell. If she has a fragile heart, that implies saying no to her once would completely devastate her, but being bratty would mean that she wouldn't be deterred until she got what she wanted. You described mental issues that would lead her to hurting people, but if she's shy, what would cause her to snap since she doesn't talk to people in the first place? See how these conflict with each other?

You also listed only negatives. She needs to have positives as well.

Strengths
Expand on it. Also note that strengths aren't just physical, but personality wise too. There has to be something in her personality that is positive.

Weaknesses
Expand on these too. Exactly how unstable is she? How fragile is she? Does her frailness apply to her mental state, physical state, or both? To what extent does her trust bring her troubles?

History
This backstory...it's all over the place. There's point A and point B, but there's no middle and seems out of order.

She grew up as a brat who eventually was mentally unstable.
That's a pretty extreme jump. How do go you from childish brat to insane? Did something traumatizing happen before she was separated from her parents?

She had to take prescription pills or else she'd go completely psycho and hurt people.
How did she come to the realization that she needed pills to contain herself? Did she actually kill people before in her rage and that made her realize that she needed to find some way to control herself?

Ana wanted to become an actress and took hundreds of classes, and was a star.
She wanted to become an actress, so did she decide on this before realizing she's psycho? What happened to her dream when she became aware that she has mental problems? Did she decide to go forward anyway, or did she give up? Are these pills something specifically crafted for her?

When Planet Fuse took over, she was separated from her parents and her pills. Everyone forgot about her, and she trusts anyone she sees
If they aren't, they why would it matter if she got separated from them with her parents? Couldn't she just go to a pharmacy and get more? Also, mentally unstable and being left alone and forgotten should not make someone more trusting. That should do the opposite; she should be trying to kill everyone she sees because she can't trust people. It should be impossible for her to trust people in her current mindset.  

Ana is skilled with agility after winning state championships, and getting around quietly without anyone hearing
This happen before or after she lost the pills? Or did this happen before she realized she had mental problems in the first place?

Her petite frame makes her very fragile, almost like a doll.
This should go in appearance

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Kaiser

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Re: Ana Price (new)

Post  draqqable on Sat Aug 15, 2015 4:13 pm

Sorry, I realized I'm not one for roleplaying. Thank you for taking the time to read this topic.
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