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Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

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Re: Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

Post  youngjusticeforever on Wed Jan 06, 2016 4:49 am

I did read them.

Fine. *edits* Good now?
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Re: Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

Post  Professor Utonium on Wed Jan 06, 2016 1:11 pm

youngjusticeforever wrote:Fine. *edits* Good now?

I hope that wasn't with attitude.

The inclusion of Nartyez is shoehorned in there. Really doesn't seem like a lot of effort was put forth to include the personalitiy. Expand on it, work on it more. It also needs to include how Nartyez affects Zeytran's life afterwards, and how it is incorporated into what he does.

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Re: Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

Post  youngjusticeforever on Thu Jan 07, 2016 5:43 am

Professor Utonium wrote:
youngjusticeforever wrote:Fine. *edits* Good now?

I hope that wasn't with attitude.

The inclusion of Nartyez is shoehorned in there. Really doesn't seem like a lot of effort was put forth to include the personalitiy. Expand on it, work on it more. It also needs to include how Nartyez affects Zeytran's life afterwards, and how it is incorporated into what he does.

It wasn't.

I can see why. But like in the previous one, the personalities only formed after Zeytran met Demongo. They couldn't control the body yet, but Pain was powerful enough to 'whisper' the seeds of doubt into Zeytran's mind. Nartyez, in this case, was formed from Anxiety and overall Stress. It seems likely that Demongo, given who he is Pre-RP, would pressure and persuade Zeytran to be more hostile.

Given this, and in addition to his family's disowning of him, would make him extremely stressed out, and full of anxiety. Nartyez is born as the result.
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Re: Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

Post  Professor Utonium on Thu Jan 07, 2016 4:12 pm

You'll need to make to effort to show Nartyez's inclusion. Or cut him out all together. I really don't think you can work with a multiple personalities character correctly.

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Re: Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

Post  youngjusticeforever on Fri Jan 08, 2016 6:06 am

What kind of effort? Nartyez did not play a major role, nor will he play a major role, until the RP. Also, I'm sort of confused on something...what about Them? According to his profile, he's got DID too, but he doesn't seem to follow it's rules...
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Re: Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

Post  Professor Utonium on Fri Jan 08, 2016 4:30 pm

Them was grandfather'd in due to his original creation being three years ago, and due to his backstory.

Why isn't Nartyez important until the RP takes place? Why would something exist to hold no importance until the usage of the character?

But I still think you should just RP Zeytran as a singular character with no extra surprises. You also might want to change the title. Zeytran has been anything but alluring since we've met him.

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Re: Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

Post  youngjusticeforever on Fri Jan 08, 2016 6:47 pm

Fair enough.

Because, without the few points in between, Zeytran's been majorly in control. And all Nartyez really did when he was in control was kill people, continuing his murder spree.

I'm going to be saving that until the absolute last moment. Alluring in this case refers not to his personality. No, it refers to his power, Charm Voice. It reminds me, personally, of a Siren from Greek Mythology, and they are said to be alluring.

Also, isn't the point of him being redone is to fix things? He doesn't have to be completely alluring, to the point where that's his main attribute. No, when I said Alluring, I meant more in reference to Charm Voice more than anything else, really.
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Re: Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

Post  Professor Utonium on Sat Jan 09, 2016 3:46 am

Perhaps it's too much work for what's it's worth.

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Re: Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

Post  youngjusticeforever on Sat Jan 09, 2016 10:39 am

I politely disagree. I don't particularly see any real issues anymore. Approval?
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Re: Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

Post  Professor Utonium on Sat Jan 09, 2016 5:28 pm

Asking for approvals in your post won't get you them.

I cannot approve it while the Multiple Personalities aspect is included. You have proven your skills are not defined enough to handle it correctly.


Last edited by Professor Utonium on Sat Jan 09, 2016 5:57 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

Post  youngjusticeforever on Sat Jan 09, 2016 5:54 pm

I was asking more rather if you found it approve-able rather than just the approvals itself

Then I'm afraid Zeytran won't be getting any approvals from you soon, sadly.

Time to go with the alternative *sigh* I really didn't want to use this character...but he's the best I got now...hmmm

let's just scrap this character entirely, yes?
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Re: Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

Post  Professor Utonium on Sat Jan 09, 2016 5:58 pm

Probably for the best. I'll be patiently awaiting to see what you can come up with.

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Re: Zeytran, the alluring Demon [Removed]

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