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YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  youngjusticeforever on Tue Jan 19, 2016 12:13 am

Okay then.
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  zerowing21 on Tue Jan 19, 2016 4:48 pm

Alright, Time for personality. What do you want your ocs like? What kind of traits do you wish them to have? What are their flaws?
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  youngjusticeforever on Tue Jan 19, 2016 7:09 pm

For Alexis, I want her to be sort of like. Well, think of it this way. She's got troubles with speech and, perhaps ashamed, she doesn't like to talk too often(since this is a somewhat social roleplay, I'll have her maybe just write things out or something), and that could be mistaken for arrogance and thinking she's too good to talk to others, causing her to withdraw even further. But she likes to help people, she's empathetic.

She'd help people and then leave and move on, and she would maybe like animals more than humans. And maybe animals like her too.

I was really inspired by Artemis from Greek Mythology
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  zerowing21 on Tue Jan 19, 2016 7:23 pm

So she has a speech impediment/delay issue. due to it she has feelings of being ashamed, by why would be be ashamed of this? Is it embarrassment of her disability? Maybe she's shy cuz of it, so she doesn't speak to people and when they do, she writes since it helps her more in her opinion and she freaks out a bit as well.

The main issue is, I don't think many people would mistake her disability with arrogance. There is a issue here, if she is withdrawn, she is unlikely to want to help people in my opinion. She will want to stay away from people with something like this. If she is with drawn her liking animals would work out better.

I'm seeing a heck of a lot of negative traits and not many in the way of positive. You'd need to balance them out and make sure they don't contradict each other. While being inspired is fine, I'd like to keep the inspiration away from this character. Maybe use that inspiration in a later character. Don't be discouraged.
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  youngjusticeforever on Tue Jan 19, 2016 8:06 pm

Yes, she does have one. I think she'd be ashamed because of embarrassment. I think that could work(the shy and writing instead)

Perhaps. And she's withdrawn because she doesn't want to hurt other people's feelings because, in her mind, if they don't get to know her, then she can't hurt their feelings..

Wait, I think I have an idea.

Oh and I was simply referring in inspiration with her Bow and Arrow thing, because when I think of a Bow and Arrow I think of Artemis...eh, not real inspiration anyways.
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  youngjusticeforever on Tue Jan 19, 2016 8:09 pm

Name: Kairi Asaikima

Age: 22

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Race: Human

Allegiance: Heroes

Origins: Human

Powers: None

Appearance: Kairi typically either has her hair in a Pony-tail or in a braid. She's thin, but she has considerable muscle as well. She typically wears a black and silver leotard with a night sky scheme. It runs from her hips to her shoulders, although exposing some of her stomach and parts of her back. For shoes she wears simple slippers. She also has finger-less gloves with sticky things on the palms for better grip.
APPEARANCE:
Spoiler:

Strengths: Above average intellect(from both natural talent and studying), Kairi is capable of understanding complex scientific terms and math problems, to the extent where she could be considered a genius. This helps her with her arrows as she can utilize this to her advantage(such as creating special trick arrows or with firing the arrows at pin-point locations).

Kairi also has enhanced agility, speed and slightly above average strength, due to intense training. She also has high stamina.

She also is extremely adept with a Bow and Arrow, able to fire round after round with great accuracy.

Weaknesses: Kairi is socially awkward making it difficult for her in basic social events

Kairi is also horrible with hand-to-hand or close quarters combat, as such she relies primarily upon her Bow and Arrows.

Kairi's leotard tends to be uncomfortable, and can be seen as unfit for combat situations(although given her Arrow style, it can help due to being less clunky and heavy)

Personality: Kairi loves to help other people, and is very selfless. Kairi is also impulsive and impatient however, not liking to wait for too long. She is very emotional and easily offended, but she is also quick to forgive. She is very sympathetic to others

Kairi is very creative and energetic, full of life. She loves painting and shopping. Despite this, she also has an Inferiority Complex and feels inadequate, constantly comparing herself to others. Kairi also likes to cook, feeling it's the one thing she's good at. Kairi has a fear of fusions as well. She's very intelligent as well. Kairi is also forgetful at times, forgetting what she's hunting for or what she was doing.

History: Kairi Asikama was born in Pokey Oaks North, and had a fairly normal childhood. She played, she ate, she slept. One day however, she noticed a home-less man on her way to kindergarten(she was 5), she had five Taros from her allowance. The man asked if she could spare some and she said no, as she needed it for lunch. Her mother just encouraged her to walk on. She didn't notice that he was, quite literally, starving. She walked away, to school, feeling somewhat proud that she managed to keep her Taros.

The next day, when she walked past that man, he was dead(from starvation), and she felt extremely guilty, and when she got to school she ended up bursting into tears, to which Bubbles offered to play with her, and she sadly accepted. When she was 10, she at her birthday party, decided she was going to make some of the food, wanting to do it herself and not trouble anyone. She discovered she had an ability to cook well, and promptly made food as much as she could. She was placed into advanced classes due to her intellect, working at a high school level. When she turned 11, her mother died in a car crash due to Kairi distracting her. Her father started calling her worthless, and verbally abusing her. He often compared her to her mother, saying how she was better. He eventually stopped in favor of neglecting Kairi.

One comment from her dad sent Kairi over the edge. That the PPG's were far more better than her. Kairi was twelve. Kairi trained brutally, exhausting herself to reach new heights, just to prove her dad wrong. This continued to her adulthood. When she was 18 she moved out, and moved to Bellwood, hoping to start fresh. She took up Archery to help keep her more distracted, she quit the class because it was too easy, when she was 20, a year later, and she used her skils, her intellect and her archery abilities to survive, by hunting. She bought her own Bow and Quiver, no arrows. She decided to craft her own arrows herself, which thanks to her intellect, was simple.

Hunting was an art that required stealth, and quiet. So she decided to buy a Leotard for hunting purposes, eventually that was her main outfit. She hated live in Bellwood though, and decided to move back to Pokey Oaks.

Do you use nanos: Yes


Last edited by youngjusticeforever on Sat Jan 23, 2016 5:32 pm; edited 7 times in total
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  zerowing21 on Tue Jan 19, 2016 8:18 pm

You need to add a bit more into the personalty, polish it, make it shine. Try to explain a few of the traits in more detail. Also, she's empathetic. Being an empath means she feels someones emotions and that kind of means she has powers. It is however a good start.
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  youngjusticeforever on Tue Jan 19, 2016 8:41 pm

zerowing21 wrote:You need to add a bit more into the personalty, polish it, make it shine. Try to explain a few of the traits in more detail. Also, she's empathetic. Being an empath means she feels someones emotions and that kind of means she has powers. It is however a good start.

Well, I tried. What exactly is it lacking in, and what should I add more details in? I checked and it turns out I was wrong, she isn't an empath. She's a sympath, if that's a word Razz
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  zerowing21 on Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:05 pm

The word you used, does not exist. She's sympathetic. With the extension you added on it looks better.
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  youngjusticeforever on Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:33 pm

zerowing21 wrote:The word you used, does not exist. She's sympathetic. With the extension you added on it looks better.

Mkay. Fixed. Now what?
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  zerowing21 on Tue Jan 19, 2016 11:15 pm

You reiterated the same traits in like 3 different ways there. So she's Sympathetic and willing to help others, she's impulsive and impatient. She over emotion and is offended easily. She's can easily forgive others. Give me 2 more traits one positive and negative that do not reiterate what you've already given.
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  youngjusticeforever on Wed Jan 20, 2016 3:10 am

Edited it, you like it Zerowing?
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  zerowing21 on Wed Jan 20, 2016 9:57 am

I would add into the personality that she is intelligent since that is linked to her strength.
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  youngjusticeforever on Thu Jan 21, 2016 12:29 am

Okay. Now what?
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  zerowing21 on Fri Jan 22, 2016 11:27 am

She would likely give her remaining Taros to a homeless man than for herself. She often will rush into things and desires to just contine on. She also feels, she expresses her emotions often and if someone called her, for example, stupid she would likely be extremely offended.

Please be rid of this, since this is just repeating what was said once before but in a different way.
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  youngjusticeforever on Fri Jan 22, 2016 6:46 pm

Edited, anything else really? Or should we move onto the rest?
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  zerowing21 on Fri Jan 22, 2016 7:26 pm

Give me one more negative trait.
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  youngjusticeforever on Fri Jan 22, 2016 7:29 pm

Okay. Now what?
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  zerowing21 on Fri Jan 22, 2016 7:50 pm

I think that will work. Now the next part is history, which Shadow will help you with.
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  youngjusticeforever on Fri Jan 22, 2016 7:51 pm

Okay. But who's Shadow?
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  zerowing21 on Fri Jan 22, 2016 8:08 pm

Kaiser.
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  youngjusticeforever on Fri Jan 22, 2016 8:09 pm

Ah, okay. That's cool. Thanks.
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  Kaiser on Sat Jan 23, 2016 4:19 pm

For history, I think it would be easier for you to build it based on your character's personality, strengths, and weaknesses. Is there a reason why she wears the leotard? Was there something that caused her to figure out she was good at cooking? Where does this Inferiority Complex of hers come from? Why did she choose the bow and arrow, and what was the journey to becoming extremely efficient with it like? Stuff like that.

Once you form parts of the history that are based off the character's traits, fill in the blanks with things that make the story satisfying. You don't need an extravagant background for every character, just something that makes sense. Things like, she is really good with her bow now, so what does she decide to do with that? Or maybe her purpose is to find what she wants to do with it.

Another thing to consider is how would other characters in your OC's history react. If you want to include Double Dee in the backstory, you just can't make him a moraleless murderer that kicks dogs just cause; he has to be in character as well. Logic is also very important to think about when you're creating character interactions and relationships. If your character shoots a little boy in the eye with her arrow out of malice for example, there is almost no way that the boy's parents would ever forgive her and help her in her time of need.

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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  youngjusticeforever on Sat Jan 23, 2016 5:33 pm

I edited it. And thanks, that helps a lot. While I tried to make it as clear as possible with it, it'd be awkward to just say "And that is how she developed an Inferiority Complex", it'd interrupt the flow of the story, you know?
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Re: YJF Character Creation Bootcamp

Post  Kaiser on Sat Jan 23, 2016 10:28 pm

A couple things. Could you post the updated history in a separate post when you're done fixing it? Makes it easier to find.

You actually did a decent enough job incorporating her inferiority complex. Being constantly compared to her mother and being constantly reminded about how much her mother was better is a good foundation, it just needs some expanding. Things like how was her relationship with her mother that would cause her to think negatively about herself. How did Kairi exactly distract her to cause her to die? If she was also in that car crash, and survived, maybe her time in the hospital caused her to develop survivor's guilt as well and made her want to be like her mother in her place. That way, her father could have same grounds on his yelling at her if she doesn't live up to her mother's legacy. The periods between events in the history is just as important as the events themselves because these slow times can be used to explain why she is the way she is now.

However, the inferiority complex towards the PPG makes a whole lot less sense, which goes into the next point: expanding the actual events. One passing sentence about Bubbles doesn't really explain why she would care so much about being not as good as them. You have the beginning with Bubbles being friendly towards her when she was depressed, but there needs to be more. This is also another example of using inbetween periods to your advantage. You have this gap between when she was 5 and when she was 10 with nothing there, so at this time you can possibly develop a friendship between Bubbles and Kairi and thus introduce her to the other two PPG. It doesn't have to be a major "friends for live" event, just slowly getting to know each other and eventually being able to call each other friends after small acts of friendships kind of things. If they are friends, it makes sense to be mad and work your butt off day in and day out if someone calls you not as good as them, but it also works in that deep down she knows she can never be the PPG and you just made another place where the Inferiority Complex comes in and does a lot.

I'm a big advocate of "the little things matter the most", but you seemed to just throw in things randomly. You put in that she works at a high school level at age 10 to show that she's really smart, but that wasn't needed information really. The fact she was able to become really good at archery in one year, her hunting instincts allowing her to survive, do a good enough job showing she's smart. The birthday party just seems like a way to show she's good with cooking, but you can also use it as a way to establish her character more. For example if this was one of her good friends birthday, it shows that she's willing to help anyone and it has meaning to her character. That's an example of the little things changing a lot, one little detail makes the event fit into the backstory a lot better.

About being a hunter. Why would she become one in the city? It would be easier to steal things than killing animals in a city environment. It might make more sense to move it to a more natural/suburb area.

For moving from "Bellwood", why would she move back to her old home if she wanted a fresh start? Did she come to prove that she's rose above hate and is above her father's insults and neglect now?

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